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The Three Gates of Speech: A timeless guide for mindful communication

Writer's picture: Jilly EdmundsonJilly Edmundson

The Three Gates of Speech
The Three Gates of Speech

Have you ever said something and immediately wished you hadn’t? Or found yourself speaking just to fill the silence, only to later realize your words didn’t add any real value? If so, you're not alone. The words we choose can have profound effects—not just on others, but also on ourselves. The concept of the “Three Gates of Speech”, often attributed to great thinkers like Rumi or even Buddha, offers a timeless framework for thoughtful and compassionate communication.

Before you speak, you are encouraged to ask yourself three essential questions:

  1. Is it true?

  2. Is it necessary?

  3. Is it kind?


These “gates” provide a filter to help us pause, reflect, and create greater harmony in our conversations—both with others and within ourselves. Let's explore the wisdom behind these gates and how they can transform our daily speech.


The origins of the Three Gates

The phrase “The Three Gates of Speech” is often linked to Rumi, the 13th-century Sufi poet and mystic whose writings inspire mindfulness and self-awareness. However, others argue that the idea may trace back to Buddhist teachings, where mindfulness in communication plays a central role.

While the exact origin might remain a mystery, the advice itself transcends any individual or tradition. It speaks to the universal need for restraint, kindness, and truth in our words—values that resonate across cultures and centuries.


The Three Gates explained

At its core, the Three Gates give us a powerful tool to foster mindfulness in how we communicate. Here’s what each gate represents:

Gate 1: Is it true?

The first gate asks us to consider whether what we are about to say is rooted in truth. Accuracy matters—not only for others but also for our integrity. Spreading falsehoods, exaggerations, or unverified opinions can erode trust and fuel confusion.

  • Example: Imagine you're on a Zoom meeting, and a colleague messes up a presentation. Before you say, “You always get this wrong,” pause. Is that true? Does this person really “always” fail, or is it an isolated mistake?

Being truthful builds credibility and strengthens relationships, but truth alone isn’t enough—it must pass the second gate too.

Gate 2: Is it necessary?

Even if something is true, not everything needs to be said. The second gate challenges us to reflect on whether our words serve a purpose or add constructive value. Are you speaking for clarity? To help solve a problem? Or are you speaking out of habit, judgment, or ego?

  • Example: Your friend recently made a lifestyle change that you quietly disapprove of. Perhaps you think, “I don’t agree with your decision.” While that may be true, ask yourself if sharing this opinion is genuinely necessary. Will it help them, or are you just satisfying your need to be heard?

Speaking unnecessarily creates noise, but when paired with honesty and purpose, our words become impactful and meaningful.

Gate 3: Is it kind?

The final and arguably most essential gate asks, “Is it kind?” Even harsh truths can be expressed with compassion. Kindness isn’t about sugar-coating or avoiding difficult conversations—it’s about ensuring that what you say uplifts, heals, or at least minimizes harm.

  • Example: A junior team member seeks feedback on a project, but unfortunately, their work isn’t up to standard. A kind response might sound like, “This is a good starting point, but here are some suggestions for improvement,” rather than, “This is terrible—you clearly didn’t think it through.”

Choosing kindness doesn’t mean avoiding difficult truths; it simply means expressing them in a way that upholds dignity.


The transformative power of the Three Gates

Practicing the Three Gates isn’t easy—it requires conscious awareness and discipline. You might find that many of your daily words get “stuck” at one of these gates, never passing through. And that’s the point! Silence can often be more powerful than speech.

  • Improves relationships: It reduces conflict and builds stronger connections by ensuring our words are thoughtful and empathetic.

  • Cultivates inner peace: By filtering out careless or harmful speech, we also quieten our inner chatter, leading to greater mindfulness.

  • Aligns actions with values: It serves as a moral compass, guiding us to speak in alignment with our core values.


Other insights rooted in this wisdom

While the Three Gates focus on speech, their principles can apply beyond verbal communication to other forms of expression. Consider:

  • Texting and Emails: Before hitting send, ask if the message reflects truth, purpose, and kindness.

  • Social media posts: Pause before you share opinions or engage in online debates—are your words enhancing the conversation or creating division?

  • Internal dialogue: Don’t forget to apply the Three Gates to how you speak to yourself. Are your thoughts true, constructive, and compassionate?


Closing thoughts

The Three Gates remind us of the immense power of words. They can build bridges or burn them, offer comfort or inflict harm. By adopting this timeless practice, we can become conscious communicators who speak less but say more.

Imagine a world where we all pause to question the truth, necessity, and kindness of our words. How different would our relationships, workplaces, and communities be?

If this resonates with you, give the Three Gates a try in your conversations this week. You might find yourself speaking less but connecting more deeply. And in those moments where words fail, remember—sometimes silence is the kindest thing you can offer.



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